Saturday, April 26, 2008
All I feel sometimes

Posted by gbz at 10:03 PM 0 comments
Crash and Burn

Her funeral was like sweet wine...

Love- is all we need anymore and it's all we can to survive.

I am bored...Why the hell did I go on this forum and start fucking around, I am so stupid.

Love, is a petty lie- it's not fair. Why we have to grow up. Why do we grow up anyways?
Just to die.

There's no lead- no one leads me. And no one loves me. But I am not allowed to say that. My lips are zipped tight.

Posted by gbz at 7:06 PM 0 comments
Friday, April 25, 2008

So today I spent the almost entire day talking online. It was a good day though. I haven't slept. I should be getting to bed eventually. I'm a little awake though.

Posted by gbz at 6:41 PM 0 comments

Toss a wish into the well
Wishing a child is happy today
Wrap a sheet around her feet
And kiss the sun goodbye

She sees the light at the end
When the road turns to bend
And the colors all melt to one
That is brighter then just some

If one day she had spent it all alone
She'd trade it for one more day to scream
Those thoughts that trail away
And it doesn't seem to matter now

Somehow things get reversed
That's what happens when you're cursed
I guess I meant it when I said
Look, my luck was just as bad
Posted by gbz at 6:40 PM 0 comments
April 25
The New Drug Generator
One day they will have a pill for everything. To keep up with the unending demand for pharmaceuticals we've developed the New Drug Generator, which will not only provide you with a cure, but also a disease and the requisite side-effects. You don't look so good. Better start clicking.

Click the Pill > < border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0">

The Subdivision Name Generator

You see signs for them on the highway and in the real estate classifieds— bucolic-sounding paradises where the Mc Mansions are comfortingly similar and people with better lives live in a placid state of coma. Just click the little house below and be whisked away to a better place. ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz.

Tinkling Windmill Willows

Posted by gbz at 5:57 PM 0 comments
sanity and peace

Will You Stay
The beauty of the sky is so great
I see angel's shine above this sunny shore
It seems my heart is beating strongly
I could not imagine a life lived before
I've done it all to get you here

All her stars are in their courses
All her stars are drowning in orbit
When all things must pass
All things must pass away
Who will ever conquer it
Who will ever stay

The decay of broken buildings
Have certain qualities I adore
I learn to love my emptiness
Because seasons change and so will I
I learned it's better to kneel and pray

All her stars are in their courses
I am setting sail to other places
All things must pass
All things must pass away
But who will ever conquer it
Who will ever stay

All the stars know the greatness of their shine
To call an angel something so divine
It seems to be that no one knows the beauty of love
Is it all that is left that we can keep strong
To find a place where we belong

Now the rain is falling down on me
And I can see into the shining night-time sky
That all I need is a little time
To show the stars who I shine to be
And then we will know how to stay

All things must pass
All things must pass away
All things must pass
All things must pass away
All things must pass
But Stay

Posted by gbz at 5:51 PM 0 comments

Yeah, I can definately relate to this feeling...

I woke up...empty. Thoughtless. Nothing. I can't think anymore. Am I depressed? I don't think so.
I feel so worthless. Nothing I do makes sense. Nothing here makes sense. I feel trapped and I don't even care that I'm trapped. I don't understand and no one wants to explain. Oh so this is drama? It's not drama, it's my life.

I can't live when I'm stuck. I'm stuck and all I can think about right now is dying. I want to prove something and nothing is provable. I am not balanced. I am hanging by a string swinging back and forth and it's making me sick.
There's no one here. No one out there. I can't talk to people out there. I want. I want to write beautiful things.
But my mind forgets. I once wanted to be an amazing writer. But I've neglected the art of happiness. I cannot write and that gives evil satisfaction. When I write nonsense the devil smirks and cackles because he knows that I have finally given in. up. He's succeeded. I am not that fragile little girl. I'm that ogre of a woman with no sensation, no desire, nothing.

You should think there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's too embarrassing. I embarrassment.
Everything is so think it's knowledge that's the enemy. I feel as though my brain is fighting not to learn, fighting to be lazy, fighting to destroy itself. It sucks. I don't understand why I can't remember anything anymore.
I am alone. I left college for no reason. I just have too much anxiety. Things weren't going anywhere. I couldn't make it and I was failing. Who wants to stick around to be tortured with bad grades, headaches, and failures.

No one knows who I am and I don't exist. I'm crazy. I'm delusional. I can't think straight.
I want to be that crazy. I want to be crazy and have no one judge me. But I am judged. I am judged so much that I have become my own judge. And everything that made sense seems terribly wrong. Like the world's just disappearing. Like we're all being pushed into a lower dimension. Maybe it's a punishment.

I have dealt with things. I have dealt with things that don't matter. And nothing is provable. Nothing is permanent. if only I had a mind that could transcend time and space. If only the illusion wasn't an illusion. If only consciousness were a tangible substance, not a product of a jumble of nerves. If only there could be something that could push me forward without me having to anything....if only it would push me forward and give me credit at the same time. But what kind of thing would do that. Pain, Pain and anguish. It's despicable. It's undesirable, it's scary.

Love is the only remedy. But love is something I am without. I am without love, and I've learned that's just the way this world works. There are people who don't have any love. I can't feel. i can't feel anything. I am not loved and I don't love many people.. I am tired of it. I can't think. I may just end it all soon. Because I don't know what to do anymore. And no one would really bother to understand it. Things just aren't right. There needs to be no explanatin of why. Things just aren't right because they don't feel right. I am living at home and I can't do anything.

No, it doesn't make sense. I'm ugly. I can't stand it so much that I would destroy myself for a new face, new body, no one will ever understand the depth of my pain.


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